Is it bad to dislike myself?
Bad to have no self esteem?
I was never good at school, always got dissappointed with my grades.
No matter how hard I tried to learn, I never truly learned things.
That ended up getting me bad grades. No matter how I tried I could never really study, could never get better grades.
Even in social life, I never felt like I belonged. Never was I able to get things done 100%.
Always 50/50. I've got a wonderful girlfriend. On the other side of the country with a mother that wants to drive us apart...
In competetive games I always win 50% of the time, mostly less even.
I feel worthless, so I want to please others. Make them feel better. But they just tell me to mind myself and not try to please as much people as I can.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO ANYMORE. Besides what I do in everyday life. Doing what I feel like doing.
But sociaty does not support that. They say voting on a political party is the "right" thing to do, but I have no desire to vote, for this world is already dead.
So I vote, to reinforce the voice of others. This also, is wrong. Does anything really matter?
I am not trying to make people feel sorry for me, as that would hinder their life.
I am not trying to make angry by making them think I want people to sympathize with me.
I am not screaming for attention towards myself.
I am screaming for people to consider eachother. To step in their worlds and see what the see, feel what they feel.
Perhaps this is my only use in this world. If so, I hope it worked.
Listening to: Five finger death punch, album The Way of The Fist